“Then he asked, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man replied, “The woman you gave to be with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate.”” (Genesis 3:11–12, CSB)
The woman you gave to be with me.Ugh! I don’t care how many times I reread this transcript I cringe in horror at Adam’s response. Wow, the first day of sin in the world and he has to go straight to blaming Eve for all the trouble. What a loser!
He’s supposed to be the leader of the couple. The gallant man who will stand in defense of her and die for her. Now, he simply throws her under the bus. As I shake my head in disgust and reflect on how cowardly Adam was, the Spirit of God begins to remind me of the many times I have – motivated by fear – thrown someone else under the bus, even blaming my wife for my irresponsibility.
And while that is painfully true, it in no way excuses the fact that when we blame another we are choosing a path of deception. As Zig Ziglar used to say, “To blame is to B – Lame.”
Blame always diminishes us. For the husband, it quickly reduces our godliness. After all, it was God who gave us this wonderful, intelligent, caring, compassionate woman to be with us! However, when we choose to let her take all the heat for something we could have talked through and avoided – a failure on our part to participate in the discussion and direction of our partnership – we reveal our less-than-adult side.
Blaming others is always a sign of immaturity. It shouts from the tops of the skyscrapers, “This person is a child! They need to grow up!” What could be worse than to see the disappointment in the eyes of the one whom we have pledged our life and love forever to?
If you’ve been blaming your wife – or your husband – for things, isn’t today a good day to stop, drop, and roll? Stop blaming. It only destroys the relationship. Drop to your knees in prayer. Ask God how you can help and not drive a deeper wedge between the two of you. And roll your pain off on Jesus. He died to forgive and to remove the hurt and pain by replacing it with His joy. Why not pray now?
Magnificent Marriage Mondays are helpful hints, clues, ideas, and solutions for the child of God who is looking for a spouse, in a relationship with someone, or are already married. Each post seeks to bring help, hope, and honesty to your life and make the rest of your life, the best of your life. They are written by Dr. Matthew Lee Smith, Executive Director of Eagles In Leadership, and come from his 38 years, 5 months and 2 days experience with his wife, Melodee, who was promoted to Heaven on November 11, 2017. He is currently seeking God’s will for his new life partner. He welcomes your comments below.
